Jonathan Swift Quotes

I must complain the cards are ill shuffled till I have a good hand.

Be she barren, be she old, Be she slut, or be she scold, Eat my oysters, and lie near her, She’ll be fruitful, never fear her.

Lord, I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing!

I always love to begin a journey on Sundays, because I shall have the prayers of the church, to preserve all that travel by land, or by water.

Faith, that’s as well said, as if I had said it myself.

He was a bold Man that first ate an Oyster.

I won’t quarrel with my Bread and Butter.

The more careless, the more modish.

I think she was cut out for a Gentlewoman, but she was spoiled in the making. She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitchfork; and, for the fashion, I believe they were made in the days of Queen Bess.

I mean, you lie – under a mistake.

So, naturalists observe, a flea Hath smaller fleas on him prey; And these have smaller fleas to bite ’em, And so proceed ad infinitum. Thus every poet, in his kind, Is bit by him that comes behind.

Hobbes clearly proves, that every creature Lives in a state of war by nature.

He gives direction to the town, To cry it up, or run it down.

So geographers, in Afric-maps, With savage-pictures fill their gaps; And o’er unhabitable downs Place elephants for want of towns.

As learned commentators view In Homer than Homer knew.

Then, rising with Aurora’s light, The Muse invoked, sit down to write; Blot out, correct, insert, refine, Enlarge, diminish, interline.

Say, Britain, could you ever boast, – Three poets in an age at most? Our chilling climate hardly bears A sprig of bays in fifty years.

A Child will make two Dishes at an Entertainment for Friends; and when the Family dines alone, the fore or hind Quarter will make a reasonable Dish; and seasoned with a little Pepper or Salt, will be very good Boiled on the fourth Day, especially in Winter.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my Acquaintance in London; that a young healthy Child, well nursed, is, at a Year old, a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome Food; whether Stewed, Roasted, Baked, or Boiled; and, I make no doubt, that it will equally serve in a Fricassee, or a Ragout.