Dave Barry Quotes

• Guys are simple… women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Women

• I realize that I’m generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don’t care.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Care

• I want a pit crew… I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Hate

• I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in War

• If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Enough, Big

• In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in School, Tell

• Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Powerful, Physics, Force

• In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Stupid, Anything

• It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Travel, Rain

• It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Art, Money

  Tags in Personal

• My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Game, Problem

• Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there’s a good chance that nobody is reading my column.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Good, Chance

• Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Relationship

• Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Bad

• People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Religious, Beer

• Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Football, Tough

• Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Biologically

• Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in View

• The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Time, Live

• The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Television

Dave Barry (86)

Birth:	3rd July, 1947
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Columnist, Humorist, Novelist, Writer

About

David McAlister "Dave" Barry was born in Armonk, New York. He is a Pulitzer Prize-winning American columnist, novelist, humorist and writer, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for The Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels. He began his journalism career in 1971, working as a general assignment reporter for the Daily Local News in West Chester, Pennsylvania, near his alma mater, Haverford College. He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in English from Haverford College in 1969. Barry's first novel, Big Trouble, was published in 1999.

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Today's Anniversary - 19th May

Births

• 1931 - David Wilkerson
• 1941 - Nora Ephron
• 1926 - Swami Kriyananda
• 1861 - Nellie Melba
• 1925 - Pol Pot

Deaths

• 1958 - Ronald Charles Colman
• 1966 - Theodore Francis Green
• 1991 - Muriel Box
• 1864 - Nathaniel Hawthorne
• 1935 - T. E. Lawrence