Stephen Leacock Quotes

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

I have a suspicion it’s inevitable, but give me my stick. I’ll face it.

Presently I shall be introduced as ‘this venerable old gentleman’ and the axe will fall when they raise me to the degree of ‘grand old man’. That means on our continent any one with snow-white hair who has kept out of jail till eighty.

I am what is called a professor emeritus—from the Latin e, ‘out’, and meritus, ‘so he ought to be’.

The general idea, of course, in any first-class laundry, is to see that no shirt or collar ever comes back twice.

The parent who could see his boy as he really is, would shake his head and say: ‘Willie is no good; I’ll sell him.’