Stephen Leacock Quotes

I have a suspicion it’s inevitable, but give me my stick. I’ll face it.

Presently I shall be introduced as ‘this venerable old gentleman’ and the axe will fall when they raise me to the degree of ‘grand old man’. That means on our continent any one with snow-white hair who has kept out of jail till eighty.

I am what is called a professor emeritus—from the Latin e, ‘out’, and meritus, ‘so he ought to be’.

The general idea, of course, in any first-class laundry, is to see that no shirt or collar ever comes back twice.

A decision of the courts decided that the game of golf may be played on a Sunday, not being a game within the view of the law, but being a form of moral effort.

The parent who could see his boy as he really is, would shake his head and say: ‘Willie is no good; I’ll sell him.’