Michael Ian Black Quotes

Wish I could, through my own financial prestidigitation, transform a dollar bill into two, or two million. It is an awesome and mysterious skill.

Whenever anyone asks me if I’m from a TV show, I say yes – no matter whether I’ve ever been on it. It just makes the conversation that much easier.

Well, I think my stand-up is often kind of visual. Not like Carrot Top visual, but visual.

There’s this misconception that comedy and music go together. They don’t. Comedians can’t compete with rock stars; they’re just not on the same level. Rock stars will always be cooler. They will always get more girls.

There is no word for feeling nostalgic about the future, but that’s what a parent’s tears often are, a nostalgia for something that has not yet occurred. They are the pain of hope, the helplessness of hope, and finally, the surrender to hope.

The thing that I think is the most important is taking moments to express your appreciation to your partner. A thank you or a quick kiss can go a long way toward affirming your relationship and commitment to each other. That’s not hard to do even when you’re juggling insane careers and three kids.