Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

• I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Father, Humor

  Tags in Remember, Humour

• I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody’s fingers.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Humour

• I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Real

• I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Humor, Truth

  Tags in Wife

• I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Mother

  Tags in Ugly

• I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Drinking

• I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Worked

• Life is just a bowl of pits.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Bowls, Pit

• My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Mother

  Tags in Morning

• My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Wife, Again

• My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Father

  Tags in Picture

• My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Gay, Find

• My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Mother

  Tags in Friend

• If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no s*x life at all.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Sex

• Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Men

• My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Day, Wife

• My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Met

• My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Jealousy, Wife

• My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Wife, Dark

Rodney Dangerfield (54)

Birth:	22nd November, 1921
Death:	5th October, 2004
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Actor, Comedian

About

Rodney Dangerfield was an American comedian, and actor, known for the catchphrase "I don't get no respect!," and his monologues on that theme. He is also remembered for his 1980s film roles, especially in Easy Money, Caddyshack, and Back To School.

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Births

• 1947 - Warren Zevon
• 1732 - Pierre Beaumarchais
• 1977 - Michelle Hunziker
• 1918 - Oral Roberts
• 1979 - Tatyana Ali

Deaths

• 1885 - Martin Delany
• 1978 - William Barclay
• 1984 - Rosser Reeves
• 1993 - Thurgood Marshall
• 1986 - L. Ron Hubbard