Ogden Nash Quotes

I eat my peas with honey; I’ve done it all my life. They do taste kinda funny, but it keeps ’emon the knife.

Basketball, a game which won’t be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.

My verse represents a handle I can grasp in order not to yield to the centrifugal forces which are trying to throw me off the world.

It is a fact that a lady wants to be dressed exactly like everybody else but she gets pretty upset if she sees anybody else dressed exactly like her.

All winter long, I am one for whom the bell is tolling; I can arouse no interest in basketball, Indoor fly casting or bowling; The sports pages are strictly no soap! And until the cry Play Ball! I simply mope.

He tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick, And helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

One thing that literature would be greatly the better for Would be a more restricted employment by authors of simile and metaphor.

God in His wisdom made the fly And then forgot to tell us why.

I test my bath before I sit, And I’m always moved to wonderment That what chills the finger not a bit Is so frigid upon the fundament.

Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

Sure, deck your lower limbs in pants; Yours are the limbs, my sweeting. You look divine as you advance- Have you seen yourself retreating?

This infant whose middle Is diapered still Will want to marry My daughter Jill. Oh sweet be his slumber and moist his middle! My dreams, I fear, are infanticiddle.

One day he missed his loving bride. She had, the guide informed him later, Been eaten by an alligator. Professor Twist could not but smile. ‘You mean,’ he said, ‘a crocodile.’

There was a young belle of old Natchez Whose garments were always in patchez. When comment arose On the state of her clothes, She drawled, When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez.

Let us pause to consider the English, Who when they pause to consider themselves they get all reticently thrilled and tinglish, Because every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

The camel has a single hump; The dromedary, two; Or else the other way around, I’m never sure. Are you?

Home is heaven and orgies are vile, But you need an orgy, once in a while.

Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore And that’s what parents were created for.

Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But hating, my boy, is an art.