Lewis Grizzard Quotes

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

S*x hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.

It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.