Lenny Bruce Quotes

When you’re eight years old nothing is your business.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.

The “what should be” never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no “what should be,” there is only what is.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

I’ll die young, but it’s like kissing God.

I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I’m going to be if I grow up.

I hate small towns because once you’ve seen the cannon in the park there’s nothing else to do.

A lot of people say to me, ‘Why did you kill Christ?’ I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.