Karl Pilkington Quotes

You know, when you’re a producer, you’re a bit of a lackey. You’re just making cups of tea and making sure they’ve got newspaper, stuff like that.

Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched ‘University Challenge.’ The onion was probably the highlight.

When you’ve been on a programme called ‘An Idiot Abroad’ job offers aren’t exactly flying in.

When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I’ve done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that.

To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don’t need any spoiling or looking after.

To be honest, marriage doesn’t scare me and that, it’s just once you’ve been together for so long, if you haven’t got any kids it’s just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn’t it?

They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn’t anything else drown it out at the time?

The reason I did the book about holidays is that you’re a different person on holiday. You’re sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you’ve never met and for 10 days you’re someone else. You’re out of your comfortable zone.

That’s the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.

People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.

It’s not a joke: I really do like being at home.

It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle.

If you’d have told me five years ago that I’d have done all this – two books, some television and everything – I’d panic, I’d be scared.

I’ve never won many awards, I didn’t get certificates for swimming or anything.