Jackie Mason Quotes

• Predictions are preposterous.

  Jackie Mason

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Preposterous, Predictions

• My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I’m 70 or if I’m 20? The audience knows they aren’t getting any old stories from me.

  Jackie Mason

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Anything, Old, Getting

• My comedy doesn’t come from any calculations and studies.

  Jackie Mason

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Come, Comedy, Studies

• I’ve been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then the whole picture changes ten minutes later. The same thing can happen again after New Hampshire. I have no idea what’s going to happen with our country in the future.

  Jackie Mason

  Topics in Future, Politics

  Tags in Person

• I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

  Jackie Mason

  Topics in Love

  Tags in Heart, Nothing

• I can’t pretend that I’m a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

  Jackie Mason

  Topics in Art

  Tags in Great, Comedy

• I can’t predict the future and I don’t have respect for people who try to.

  Jackie Mason

  Topics in Future, Respect

  Tags in Try

• I don’t believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It’s funny because it’s ridiculous and it’s ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

  Jackie Mason

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Believe, Come

• It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.

  Jackie Mason

• It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

  Jackie Mason

• If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

  Jackie Mason

• I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

  Jackie Mason

• Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

  Jackie Mason

• Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant – even if they wanted to be one?

  Jackie Mason

Jackie Mason (14)

Birth:	9th June, 1931
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Actor, Comedian

About

Jackie Mason was born in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, USA. He is an American stand-up comedian and film and television actor. His 1986 one-man show The World According to Me won a Special Tony Award, an Outer Critics Circle Award, an Ace Award, an Emmy Award, and a Grammy nomination. His role in several films include: The Stoolie, The Jerk, The Perils of P.K., Caddyshack II, One Angry Man(also writer), and In a Pickle. His role in television include: Chicken Soup(TV series) and Best of Times(TV series).

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Births

• 1930 - Paul Mazursky
• 1940 - Al Pacino
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• 1976 - Tim Duncan

Deaths

• 2010 - Alan Sillitoe
• 2009 - Bea Arthur
• 2004 - Thom Gunn
• 1840 - Simeon Poisson
• 1998 - Konstantinos Karamanlis