Henny Youngman Quotes

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it’s ready.

Why don’t Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.

What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.