Dorothy Parker Quotes

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Upon my honour, I saw a Madonna Standing in a niche Above the door of the private whore Of the world’s worst son of a bitch.

As American as a sawed-off shotgun.

All writers are either 29 or Thomas Hardy.

Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

That should assure us of at least forty-five minutes of undisturbed privacy.

One more drink and I’d have been under the host.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.

All those writers who write about their childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn’t sit in the same room with me.

There’s a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply callisthenics with words.

You can always tell that the crash is coming when I start getting tender about Our Dumb Friends. Three highballs and I think I’m St Francis of Assisi.

And I’ll stay off Verlaine, too; he was always chasing Rimbauds.

Sorrow is tranquillity remembered in emotion.

Razors pain you Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live.

Scratch a lover, and find a foe.

Men seldom make passes At girls who wear glasses.

He lies below, correct in cypress wood, And entertains the most exclusive worms.

Drink and dance and laugh and lie, Love, the reeling midnight through, For tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do).

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is a thing that can never go wrong; And I am Marie of Roumania.

By the time you say you’re his, Shivering and sighing And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying- Lady, make a note of this: One of you is lying.