Funny Quotes

AKA: QuotesNSayings.net

Famous Quotes and Sayings

• Authors
• Picture Quotes
• Proverbs
• Professions
• Nationalities
• About
• Contact

Popular Authors

• Henry Miller
• Pope Benedict XVI
• Oscar Wilde
• Bill Gates
• Winston Churchill
• Zig Ziglar
• Victor Hugo
• Tiger Woods
• Chanakya
• Gautama Buddha

Advertisement

Today's Anniversary - 25th May

Births

• 1945 - Priscilla Presley
• 1803 - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• 1939 - Ian McKellen
• 1947 - Jacki Weaver
• 1944 - Frank Oz

Deaths

• 1899 - Rosa Bonheur
• 1948 - Witold Pilecki
• 2005 - Ismail Merchant
• 1805 - William Paley
• 1681 - Pedro Calderon de la Barca

• I would strongly suggest that you fall in love, and I would use a lot of eye contact, soft words and light touching to give that advice.

  Bauvard

  Topics in Funny

• Money is seen as a great evil. But I’ve never seen a pile of cash stab someone.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• To attain wisdom, sum up the childlike wonder of foolishness. Then the gullible will become judicious.

  Bauvard

  Topics in Funny

• If love shows itself in the eyes, then my neighbors love me: I’m on their watch list.

  Bauvard

  Topics in Funny, Love

• All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.

  Carroll Bryant

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Remember

• I never knew how much I missed pickles and pickle juice. It’s like, an overwhelming feeling that I can’t even explain.

  Nicole Polizzi

  Topics in Funny

• I never forget things. I just don’t observe them in the first place.

  Bauvard

  Topics in Funny

• There’s a name for devout people who worship reverence. Heretics.

  Bauvard

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in People

• If a person is mean to their family but polite to complete strangers, they shouldn’t go to extended family reunions – until they’ve mastered the diplomacy of sarcasm.

  Bauvard

  Topics in Funny

• Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny, Humor, Love

• In my opinion, all boyfriends should turn out to be secretly wealthy.

  Claudia Gray

  Topics in Funny

• Clichés aren’t all truisms, but altruism is both.

  Benson Bruno

  Topics in Funny

• A blanket isn’t the solution, a blanket is the problem. I say we burn all the blankets, along with the bodies of the unbelievers.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• I think you inhaled too much lead from those scantron sheets.

  Simon Holt

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Think

• A blanket can be wrapped around one’s head and used as a helmet. It’s particularly appropriate if you wear your blanket helmet during a pillow fight with me, because unbeknownst to you, I’ll have a brick stuffed at the bottom of my pillowcase.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• Crystal ball and candle light, I want your dance tonight. Show me the power of love as we stand together in the middle of the night.

  Santosh Kalwar

  Topics in Funny

• If there’s a sexier sound on this planet than the person you’re in love with cooing over the crepes you made for him, I don’t know what it is.

  Julie Powell

  Topics in Funny

• I tended to hate people that hit me in the head without warning.

  Amanda Hocking

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in People

• You can’t put a price tag on human life. But if you could, I’d demand coupons for clones.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• If ye canna see the bright side o’ life, polish the dull side.

  Christina Dodd

  Topics in Funny