Funny Quotes

AKA: QuotesNSayings.net

Famous Quotes and Sayings

• Authors
• Picture Quotes
• Proverbs
• Professions
• Nationalities
• About
• Contact

Popular Authors

• Walt Disney
• Pope John Paul II
• Marilyn Monroe
• Napoleon Bonaparte
• Augustus
• Benazir Bhutto
• Madonna
• Coco Chanel
• Barack Obama
• Marie Curie

Advertisement

Today's Anniversary - 25th May

Births

• 1869 - Robbie Ross
• 1932 - John Gregory Dunne
• 1976 - Cillian Murphy
• 1963 - Mike Myers
• 1939 - Dixie Carter

Deaths

• 2005 - Graham Kennedy
• 1986 - Chester Bowles
• 1993 - Vincent Price
• 2007 - Charles Nelson Reilly
• 1919 - Madame C. J. Walker

• Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny, Humor, Love

• As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny, Humor, Love

• Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny, Love

• A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

  Bob Hope

  Topics in Funny, Love

  Tags in Live

• One brick could be used to do the work of two men, if both men are dead. In this case, a blanket could be used to cover up their decomposing corpses.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• A brick and a blanket represent two lovers who can never be together. I simply forbid it!

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• Cats are like walking brooms you can actually comfortably cuddle with.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby.

  Criss Jami

  Topics in Funny

• Everybody just lets the media do their thinking for them… that’s why you’ll never hear any reggae on the radio!

  Daniel Clowes

  Topics in Funny

• Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.

  Criss Jami

  Topics in Funny

• Yours in demigodishness, and all that. Peace out!

  Rick Riordan

  Topics in Funny

• The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• Being sociable is a skill you can learn. It’s like throwing a spiral, riding a bicycle, or murdering your clone’s lover, who also happens to be your girlfriend.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• As long as you are wearing a hat made out of shingles, you’ll always have a roof over your head.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• What’s said in silence is best viewed in darkness. I learned that while reading a bowl of Alphabet Soup.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• Ladies pick funny things to be proud of.

  Harper Lee

  Topics in Funny

• I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me.

  Stephenie Meyer

  Topics in Funny

• Taking pleasure in the happiness of others – if only our age was so decadent.

  Benson Bruno

  Topics in Funny

• I threw a lit match into a puddle of slime and shouted, “It’s alive!” Evolution is my greatest creation.

  Bauvard

  Topics in Funny

• There’s not a lot of food on the moon. Not unless you’re into cannibalism.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny