Funny Quotes

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Today's Anniversary - 19th May

Births

• 1933 - Edward de Bono
• 1897 - Herbert V. Prochnow
• 1900 - Helen Steiner Rice
• 1968 - Theo De Raadt
• 1935 - David Downs Hartman

Deaths

• 1935 - T. E. Lawrence
• 1994 - Jacques Ellul
• 1971 - Ogden Nash
• 804 - Alcuin
• 1864 - Nathaniel Hawthorne

• A blanket can be wrapped around one’s head and used as a helmet. It’s particularly appropriate if you wear your blanket helmet during a pillow fight with me, because unbeknownst to you, I’ll have a brick stuffed at the bottom of my pillowcase.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• Crystal ball and candle light, I want your dance tonight. Show me the power of love as we stand together in the middle of the night.

  Santosh Kalwar

  Topics in Funny

• If there’s a sexier sound on this planet than the person you’re in love with cooing over the crepes you made for him, I don’t know what it is.

  Julie Powell

  Topics in Funny

• I tended to hate people that hit me in the head without warning.

  Amanda Hocking

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in People

• You can’t put a price tag on human life. But if you could, I’d demand coupons for clones.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• If ye canna see the bright side o’ life, polish the dull side.

  Christina Dodd

  Topics in Funny

• Adventure! People talked about the idea as if it were something worthwhile, rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects in bits of you.

  Terry Pratchett

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in People

• We look forward to seeing all of your Vaseline coated smiles terribly soon.

  Gitty Daneshvari

  Topics in Funny

• Nothing says “deeply in mourning” like canapés and free beer.

  Mira Grant

  Topics in Funny

• Theists count themselves among the aforementioned. They affirm they will be saved a lot of confusion.

  Benson Bruno

  Topics in Funny

• I am a love factory. I make love out of high quality plastics at an affordable price.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• Promiscuous clone-love is the only way to realize the maxim, ‘love your neighbor as yourself.

  Benson Bruno

  Topics in Funny

• I honk at protestors to show my support, and also tell them to get the fuck out of my way.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• I’ve lived a full life. I never once went hungry.

  Bauvard

  Topics in Funny

• The best way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting.

  Jarod Kintz

  Topics in Funny

• I’m courteous to most, but antisocial among polite society.

  Benson Bruno

  Topics in Funny

• I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.

  Bauvard

  Topics in Funny

• We mostly romanticize our romances; we fully realize our flings.

  Bauvard

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Romance

• In a completely sane world, madness is the only freedom!

  J. G. Ballard

  Topics in Funny, Humor

  Tags in Comedian, Sane, Freedom, Insanity, Madness

• All men are equal before fish.

  Herbert Hoover

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Fish, Men