Johnny Carson Quotes

Johnny Carson (20)

Birth:	23rd October, 1926
Death:	23rd January, 2005
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Comedian, Anchor

Related Authors

• Johnny Carson
• Andy Milonakis
• Michael McKean
• Whoopi Goldberg
• Chris Rock
• Steve Allen
• Victor Borge
• Nipsey Russell
• Russell Brand
• Ron Dee White

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Today's Anniversary - 19th May

Births

• 1928 - Colin Chapman
• 1979 - Berenice Marlohe
• 1900 - Helen Steiner Rice
• 1966 - Jodi Picoult
• 1976 - Kevin Garnett

Deaths

• 1795 - Portrait of James Boswell
• 804 - Alcuin
• 1840 - John Adair
• 2002 - Walter Lord
• 2012 - Warren Rudman

• Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor’s vacation and finding out he spent two weeks at a nudist colony.

  Johnny Carson

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Cute

• The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

  Johnny Carson

  Topics in Money

  Tags in Divorce, Separation, Men And Women

• If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

  Johnny Carson

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Marriage

• We’re more effective than birth control pills.

  Johnny Carson

• People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

  Johnny Carson

• New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

  Johnny Carson

• Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

  Johnny Carson

• I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

  Johnny Carson

• I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

  Johnny Carson

• Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

  Johnny Carson

• Talent alone won’t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: Are your ready?

  Johnny Carson

  Topics in Success

• For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

  Johnny Carson

  Topics in Death, Funny

• The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

  Johnny Carson

  Topics in Money

• Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you’re happy in what you’re doing, you’ll like yourself, you’ll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

  Johnny Carson

  Topics in Success

• If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

  Johnny Carson

• My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

  Johnny Carson

  Topics in Success

• Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

  Johnny Carson

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Thanksgiving

• Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

  Johnny Carson

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Sarcastic

• Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

  Johnny Carson

  Tags in Hurt Feelings

• Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.

  Johnny Carson

  Topics in Politics