Erma Bombeck Quotes

Erma Bombeck (80)

Birth:	21st February, 1927
Death:	22nd April, 1996
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Columnist, Humorist, Writer

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Today's Anniversary - 19th June

Births

• 1978 - Zoe Saldana
• 1904 - Lester Cole
• 1861 - Douglas Haig
• 1977 - Rebecca Loos
• 1945 - Greil Marcus

Deaths

• 2010 - Manute Bol
• 1937 - J. M. Barrie
• 1811 - Samuel Chase
• 1794 - Richard Henry Lee
• 1867 - Henry Dodge

• Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, “A house guest,” you’re wrong because I have just described my kids.

  Erma Bombeck

• Children make your life important.

  Erma Bombeck

• Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

  Erma Bombeck

• Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.

  Erma Bombeck

• All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  Erma Bombeck

• A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend – and he’s a priest.

  Erma Bombeck

• Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Sports

• Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Mother

  Tags in Mom

• Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Success

• Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

  Erma Bombeck

  Tags in Medical

• Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.

  Erma Bombeck

  Tags in Medical

• Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

  Erma Bombeck

  Tags in Car

• A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Birthday

• Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Age

• There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Children, Christmas

• The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Age, Funny

• You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren’t dying. They’re merging into big conglomerates.

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Family

• What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

  Erma Bombeck

  Tags in Holidays

• Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Humor

• On the first day of school, my children said to me, “Aren’t you glad that our education’s free?”

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Children, Education